SCROLL DOWN TO THE COMMENTS!
What You'll Discover in this Episode:
Current Trends In the
Biblical Counseling Movement*
In this episode of the Biblical Counseling Podcast, we invite you to, "Search the Scriptures..." Acts 17:11.
What are the current trends in the Biblical Counseling movement?
*This episode is a commentary of discussion, articles and books sourced from Psychoheresy Awareness Ministries
Jeremiah 17:9-10. This verse describes hearts that contaminate every issue. In counseling session, a counselee is often given freedom to talk about sins of others that are not present. And here, counselors can be self-deceived in their importance in the lives of fellow believers. We can be guilty of sinning by permitting others to sin through their speaking or writing.
Words are powerful. James 3:2, James 3:6, James 3:
It's important to know the devastating nature of some of the sinful statement made by counselors and counselees. Words can carry great destructive power and can reveal a person's conviction. Words can poison the soul of both speaker and his audience. The fire kindled by the tongue can start with the spark of gossip and tale-bearing and can lead to misunderstanding, ill-feelings, acrimony, and bitterness. This destroys people’s privacy and grows a wildfire.
How important is our conversation with one another?
In the Bible, individuals are to communicate with each other. Jesus Christ taught about the significance of words as in Matthew 12:35-37, “…by words you shall be justified and by your words you shall be condemned.” And He said this to the pharisees.
Idle and careless words can:
- Tear down relationships
- Can demean friendships
- Can end marriage relationships
This can be evident in social media where it’s unrestraint. We’re living in an age of outrage among Christian people. Hurt feelings, anger, frustration, self-protection, victim mentality, sinful responses to criticism and people.
We should not listen to this. Shred any written sinful conversation. Delete it. Pause that conversation. Deal with the person themselves and do not indulge in sinful speaking.
Listen to the full episode and share your thoughts with the community.
What a powerful and convicting teaching Pastor Jeff. I agree with you and stand with you on your convictions regarding this important topic. It’s encouraging to know that you speak with boldness about it as well. I will definitely pass this along to our bc ministry at church. I will say as I look back at a few I have counseled I can see so clearly now how rampant it is that people come in guns a blazing in a sense to tell their story and to shift the blame onto others and to appeal their case as the victim. This brings needed awareness in the conversations with others especially when gathering data. This is why we must continue to lean upon the work of the Holy Spirit during the onset of our intake sessions so that we can set the tone for how a person can share but share in a Biblical manner. I pray I can be so very mindful and prayerful even with my words and responses. How true that the words spoken or written are powerful…both capable of bringing life or death. May we as Biblical Counselors stay humble and be careful to ensure this doesn’t happen in our conversations with others who are seeking counsel. May the words of our mouths and the mediations of our heart be pleasing to the Lord. There is no fruit or benefit for any believer to speak I’ll of others…ever! Our goal is to point others to Jesus and to walk in His will and ways; thereby bringing Him all the honor, glory & praise. So thank you again and may God continue to grow me in Biblical truth and theology. I want to counsel God’s way and to be a faithful servant in this ministry of Biblical Counsel!
Dear Melisa,
Your thoughtful reflection is deeply appreciated. Your commitment to passing along this valuable insight to your church’s biblical counseling ministry is commendable, and it aligns beautifully with Proverbs 18:13: “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.” Your recognition of the need for awareness in conversations, guided by the Holy Spirit, echoes Proverbs 16:23: “The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious and adds persuasiveness to his lips.”
Your prayerful and mindful approach, as well as your desire to speak life through biblical counsel, resonates with Proverbs 15:1: “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” May God continue to bless and guide you in this vital ministry, bringing honor, glory, and praise to Him.
Blessings,
Jeff Christianson
I just loved this the first time I heard it. It is so important that we are mindful of what we say and not allow our counselee’s to talk about others in a condemning way. Jesus takes it all very seriously and all our words are recorded. Can’t take them back. Scary. Good point on reading James Scripture before going into a counseling session. Less is best. It’s good for the counselor to guide the data gathering in a biblical, directed way not giving the counsel a platform to spew. Such a good word and I feel just as passionately as you do Pastor Jeff! I have also messed up in this but I pray my conversations are always godly and prepared to help the counsel to have godly conversations as well.
I always ask the Lord to search my heart and in prayer the heart of the counselee so I can help them stay focused.
This podcast will lead us to do a better job with Christ in mind when counseling. Good, good word sir. Thank you, thank you.
Thank you for your heart in this matter, Pastor Jeff! Overall I find this encouraging! This is very serious and could easily make or break a session. We have all at some point or points in the past been guilty of malicious thoughts or words, slander, gossip, etc. And because of this I can see the difficulty of directing a counseling session, especially if someone becomes emotional about an issue and begins to engage in malice or slander. You brought up the concept of victimization. It is so rampant in our culture today! We, as Biblical counselors need to bathe our sessions in prayer and discern the leading of the Holy Spirit. It will take practice, but it can be done!
I saw these videos as a class assignment when studying with Calvary Chapel University, but will view them again for this assignment – an opportunity to learn more!
This is a topic that has really challenged me while I’ve read the books for this course. This is not because I disagree, but due to the difficulty of fulfilling Proverbs 18:13 while avoiding hearing more than I ought. What your teaching summarized in this podcast lines up with the conclusions I’ve come to, which is encouraging. The more genuinely we love and desire God’s will for the counselee, the more we must focus on their role in glorifying God and away from their offenses, etc.
I also really appreciated what was said about the temptation to usurp the husband and/or pastor’s role in the counselee’s life and the subsequent damage. Overall, there was such solid conviction and warning peppered throughout this talk, I will definitely keep the wisdom shared in mind as I counsel. And even as I watch the observational videos.
Thanks Pastor Jeff!
As counselors/disciple-makers, we need to develop our own convictions. I tend to differ from some of the examples that we use in our curriculum (The Observation Videos). I notice the counselor shaming the husband in front of the wife. I just think it violates scripture. Nevertheless, each counselor has to be convinced as to how to admonish publicly/privately. I would personally pull the husband aside for a 1:1 moment.
Acts 17:11 “These were more fair-minded than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness, and searched the Scriptures daily to find out whether these things were so.”
Thank you Pastor Jeff for this insightful and enlightening aspect of Biblical Counseling that is very convicting. I am surely now aware of how to be more spiritually responsible and accountable when gathering data and listening to the persons that I am counseling. What you have shared are principles to govern all our conversations in and outside the counseling room. Once the principles of no evil speaking, no evil thinking., no gossiping, no slander, bridling the tongue, become integrated in our daily living, the same standards will be migrated into our counseling sessions. As Psalm 19:14 may this be my life goal when communicating.Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight,O Lord my strength and my Redeemer.The topic truly presented counseling Gods way. Much appreciated.
I’m really glad you addressed this topic. I agree the Word of God should be our compass and authority. We are to counsel with the Holy Spirit. He would not lead us into sin and have us partake in and/or contribute to gossip and slander. The client (counselee) is there because they are seeking help. We are doing them a great disservice if we allow them to backbite another and are also guilty of sinning. They are there seeking help and guidance. They are the focus. The conversation must be about them. Satan will use every tactic to distract them as well as us as a counselor. This leads them and ourselves away from the Lord. He needs to lead the conversation. We are to be mindful and discern when this is happening so we can quench any ill talk of others. We cannot counsel the person who is not in the room. We are held to a higher standard and accountable to God for the person He has entrusted us with. This applies to everyday life, not just in counseling.
Wow…so much to ponder on here. I believe this is why James opens up chapter three with these words, “My brethren, be not many masters/teachers (and I will add counselors), knowing that we will receive the greater condemnation” (James 3:1). It is true…we can sin by allowing others to sin in their corrupt communication during a counseling session.
However, it is also true that we are dealing with people who have been deeply wounded, betrayed, deceived, abandoned (and the list goes on), most are harboring unforgiveness, bitterness, anger, regrets, and a strong, deep rooted animosity towards others.
People do need a safe place to unload and share these unbearable burdens, it is important to verbally share with God how we feel, but Pastor Jeff is right, as leaders we must do this God’s way and according to God’s Word. As leaders we must stay in control of the session. The enemy is always trying to sneak in, and as you all know, different spirits are always popping their little heads up to cause confusion, and to keep hold of the captive. It is important that the counselor stay, prayed up, read up and Spirit led. This will keep us spiritually aware of those moments when the enemy presents an opportunity to get one into the flesh (usually the counselee is already there). The greatest gift that one can have in helping others (outside of the Spirit of the Lord) is the gift of discernment. The Holy Spirit will prompt us when we are to stop and redirect the conversation. I remember that when I was first being discipled/counseled, I was often shut down in my conversation. This upset me at the time and I became offended. I know now that the man discipling me was wanting me to be honest with myself, to quit blaming others, to focus on my faults and shortcomings/sins, and not on the faults and shortcomings/sins of others. Never did he allow me to gossip, nor did he ever engage in any type of gossip.
I agree. Satan and his minions try to sneak in and take over. It’s imperative we stay prayed up, read up and Spirit-led. I would add Spirit filled. We have all be hurt on many levels. We know what the enemy meant for harm God is faithful to use for good. I like how you shared your own experience, what you learned and how you grew. You see the value. It’s what helped lead you here. Praise God you had true biblical counsel.
I am very thankful for this episode as it challenges me. I hope in the future to be able to counsel others wisely as God gives opportunity, but as I’ve shared in other posts for the Methods of Biblical Change course for biblical counseling, there is much to delve into with myself first. Recently I have been struggling through an interpersonal problem, which I will not be sharing here, and it’s been somewhat of a burden. I want to act rightly and feel that I could use an outside perspective, but the issue brought up in this podcast keeps me from sharing because I want to refrain from bashing the character of another. It’s been a little heavy and I can’t say that I’ve handled it well as I’ve “vented” often to my husband. One verse that comes to mind is 1 Corinthians 10:13 “no temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful and will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide a way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” It reminds that God will provide a way for me to A) not speak ill of another and B) find a way to address the problem without sinning against them in our interactions with each other.
This is comforting to me in looking ahead to being able to minister to others. I admit the idea of confronting someone who has come to me for help on their speech about another isn’t very exciting, but I see the need for it. I can share with them this verse as well and encourage them that we can find the solution to this problem without destroying the character of the person with whom they take issue. It also keeps in mind that I am susceptible to falling when I’m not watching out and they are too. We will both need to take a moment to submit out thoughts to God. It’s a call to remember Palm 139:23 and 24 or even some of the previous verses in 1 Corinthians 10 like verse 10 which describes the Israelites that fell away with their grumbling but more importantly verse 12 where it says “let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall. ”
With that in mind I have some praying, searching and repenting to do as I continue to work on this one relationship.
Very educational podcast Pastor Jeff. I have been in the book of James myself and have felt the weight of words being damaging…for we can forgive unkind words but it is much more difficult to forget them. While a counseling setting should be one that a counselee feels comfortable and at ease to speak in, we have a duty to ourselves, and the people that we are trying to help, to set boundaries for the counseling setting. Just because someone being spoken about is not present in the room, doesn’t mean that if cruel words are spoken about them they do not cause harm. We are there to help others, not to be hurt in the process. There is tendency, when discussing personal issues, for projection and blame shifting. It is quite easy to blame others and far more difficult to take personal responsibility when things are not as we want them to be. Typically we like to examine the faults and actions of others before allowing ourselves to be put under the microscope. As biblical counselors we have a duty to protect ourselves as well as others from using malicious words, gossip, criticism and therefore stepping into sin. I have found success upon applying a tactic that I picked up from a previous class by Pastor Jeff. When I am counseling someone who begins to launch into trash talk about another person (or gossip of any kind) I adjust the focus from the other (not present party) back to the counselee. Try to become a mirror of sorts and ask them “Before we go any further into this issue – how much of the blame in this scenario is on YOU?” Afterall we are there, in the counseling setting, to discuss THEM…not others who are not present. If I can get the counselee to admit fault and/or take ANY portion of blame, more often than not it naturally flows into more of a conversation of how we are all sinners and no one is without blame, fault or sin. My takeaway from this podcast is that it is not just our tongue that we must be in control of but our ears as well. While we can pray and receive direction from God (before/during/after a counseling session) we must remember that we are ultimately responsible for our own actions or lack thereof. This podcast has allowed me to better understand the boundaries that I am comfortable working within and given me much food for thought in regards to self conduct and care in a counseling setting.
Hi Jessica , I think Jesus is a great example of listening. We are responsible for our own actions and being led by the spirit to walk in the spirit. The scripture says to confess Your(ownership of ) sin to one another and pray for one another(James 5:16). So I think it is good what you mentioned about turning the conversation back to make the counseled look at themselves so they can see their fault. I think it is important to set up boundaries in the counseling room( I am not a biblical counselor by the way) or in any situation that you are in. A pastor we had in years past shared with us a quote he uses when people begin to get on a tangent and that is “can we call this person to verify that statement?” As rough as that sounds 100% of the time it ended the gossip. Thanks for sharing.
Wow, Jessica. Thank you for sharing that tip from a previous course. That is helpful. I was also challenged by your statement that even if the other party isn’t there to hear it, doesn’t mean the bashing isn’t hurtful. It may cause damage to me, the hearer. Having clear boundaries between you, the counselor, and the person seeking counsel is a point I’m taking note of as well. It reminds me that it’s important not to get caught up in the world of the problem they present. I’m there to point them to Jesus, not become another player in the story.
I’m so glad you bring this up Pastor, it is so easy for sin to creep in. The more I learn, the more I learn that I need Jesus because I can so easily sin without even knowing, even when I think I’m helping. Just a few weeks ago I would have thought that our job as a counselors was to listen, the more detail the better grasp I could get on their situation, and then to guide to scripture based on what the Holy Spirit put on my heart. I would have not really thought of it as gossip or as dishonoring. But through your recent podcasts I can understand how deceiving the devil is to creep into our sessions. Our God is omniscience, omnipresent and omnipotent, and it is He who is guiding me to guide them. That means all I need to know the basic information. For example, if a women goes in for counseling because her husband was unfaithful, all I need to know is that the act occurred and her feelings and reactions to it not how she found out, anything about the mistress, or details about the affair. That’s my understanding and please correct me if I’m wrong.
Such valuable information, let us not be deceived!
Ericka – thank you for sharing. I love how you mention how easy it is to step into sin while just engaging in a simple conversation, and not even know it. I was asking a co-worker how her week was going today, in passing. She gave a full stop and said “I am so glad you asked because I am in the middle of something that I wanted to run by you to get your opinion on…”. She launched into telling me about a tense situation with her ex-husband. While I was willing to listen for a moment in the hopes I would be able to lend helpful insight, she wanted to read me some of their personal emails to outline her grievance. I stopped her and told her that was unnecessary as I didn’t feel comfortable with that. As her grievance seemed valid and her hurt was evident I asked her if she had prayed about it yet? Or for him? She is also a Christian. She said no and looked at me like prayer was a novel idea. All the while she was talking to me, I was talking to God asking for the right words for the moment. We prayed and later in the day we found time to listen to a sermon that I knew would be rightly timed in her life. We shared some scripture and both of us left feeling lifted up and refreshed in the HS. Isn’t is so funny how prayer seems like such a simple solution yet is not always the first tool we turn to?!
Yes, the solution is so simple yet we are to blinded to see it! I used to be the person so focused on my problem, looking for a word from everyone but God. It always does feel like you need to tell the complete story to prove your point, lol.
I’m glad she had you to turn to. That’s why the body of Christ is so important, when we loose focus because the storm around us makes it hard for us to see, the lighthouse is there shining it’s light, directing us back to Jesus. Thank you for being that light that shined the way back to Jesus for your co-worker, great job!
I agree Ericka. It is so easy to sin, especially when our intention is to help someone else. It is so easy to be deceived. We don’t need to know all the details. He knows and He will guide us accordingly. It’s interesting how some people will share every last detail while others will be hard-pressed to share any. Hearing this podcast makes me more aware that when I am asking questions to keep them specific to the person in front of me and keep the conversation bridled. I have found myself listening at times and trying to interject without coming across as uncaring. It’s challenging but not impossible. We learn as we grow and grow as we learn. Praise God!
Hi Ericka…it is true, “the devil is in the details,” and unfortunately (at times) so are we. One thing that you brought out in your post that stuck out to me is your references to how deceiving the devil is. So true here and of course we all know that this is his MO (method of operation). The thing that is so allusive about deception is that the one being deceived does not know that they are being deceived. None of us are exempt from this age old tactic of the one who can disguise himself as an “angel of light” (2 Corinthians 11:14). I’m so thankful that God is faithful, protecting, and loving…we are all in need of much grace, much council, and much forgiveness.
There is a gospel gap in Christian Counseling referred as PsychoBlasphemy, which is one of the most deceptive and devastating alternatives to the Gospel, new life in Christ, Word of God, and the inner work of the Holy Spirit is made up of man-devised psychological means and methods of studying the soul and dealing with the problems of living and human suffering. (Fieldhouse Jan 3, 2021). According to Jeff Christianson, as Biblical Counselors, one must be careful and not be encouraged in sinful communication. This is Blasphemy. The word blasphemy simply means slander, insult and any action or gesture that devalues another person or being, living or dead. This secular was made more specific where blasphemy means to insult, mock, or doubt the power of God. Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ. For in him dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily. And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power.” (Col. 2:8-10.).
As I dig deeper into the problem were facing as counselors the ministry has been influenced world-wide. Thousands upon thousands of evangelical pastors are encouraged annually to visit psychologists for mental and moral adjustments when the Word of God fails! What does this mean? It means that when evangelical leaders turn to man for their needs, to them the Word of God has become second- or third-rate power. This is not the way to the cross: they are not evidence of the crucified life of Christ (Gal. 2:20). They are NOT even the old covenant of works. They are, indeed, another way, the author of which is the same one who asked Eve, “Yea, hath God said?”
This is an abomination, a devilish evil: “I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me” (Psa. 101:3). I am angered to severe action over this matter; not just to state the evil of it, but from this point and onward to prove it utterly erroneous and to convince you mightily to have absolutely nothing whatever to do with it—no, not so much as to touch it with one of your little fingers, lest God judge you in That Day, when indeed He will arise and mete out to the entire blasphemous system the just deserts of its transgression.
As I search the scriptures (Act 17:11 NKJV – 11) beginning my Journey into Biblical Counseling through the Word of God, I commit myself to never entertain any blasphemous word or gesture from those I counsel. But to cast out these blasphemes and receive the message as a chance to lead them to the holy living water of Jesus Christ.
Thank you for your insight and for sharing your journey. Im also very disturb to see how the church is allowing this blaspheme of truth into the body of Christ and called it godly. This is a lie from the enemy and we must be diligent in the word to be able to recognize it for what it is and not allow it into our counseling sessions.
Shauna; you make some excellent points, however, this statement in your post caught my attention, the first thing I did after reading it was, I asked myself; self why did it fail? Why in those people’s opinion did the word of God supposedly failed them?
Your statement} “As I dig deeper into the problem were facing as counselors the ministry has been influenced world-wide. Thousands upon thousands of evangelical pastors are encouraged annually to visit psychologists for mental and moral adjustments when the Word of God fails!”
The word of God has never failed me, Jesus has never, no never forsook me or abandoned me. Yes, when I sin, I have broken the relationship but there is a way to repair my relationship with the Lord. However, the word of God stands forever. In Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. Are these pastors not applying the word of God or teaching the word of God correctly? Are the people hearing the word of God do they truly have a relationship with Jesus Christ? 1 Samuel 15:22 obedience is better than sacrifice.
Why is the church turning away from the pure, healing word of God? Especially when we have this encouragement from 2 Peter 1:3 as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue, 4 by which have been given to us exceedingly great and precious promises, that through these you may be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.
5 But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, 6 to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, 7 to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. 8 For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins.
Everything that pertains to life and godliness is wrapped up in His word. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. Thank you for your post, why is the church turning away form its dependency for the word of God? I think its just that the church with its itchy ears is turning away for God’s word?
Thank you Jeff for expressing your conviction in this matter. I can agree, as a student that watched the mock up counseling session, there were many little things that I picked up on that I found “distasteful.” Though, I always have to remember to pull the planks out of my eyes first, as I know I am a sucker for certain details.
As I think about counseling others, I had to ask “Would I have any ‘speech/conversational’ boundaries?” and I think those would be hard to implement, but they would lay a foundation that I would hope could keep the counselee and myself focused on the main issue, to keep either of us from getting sidetracked on side stories.
I know for my own life, I have said many things that should not have been said or thought about, and it’s hard to be reconciled after them. There is forgiveness in Christ, but there are also consequences to my sin, and I have learned those the hard way. My heart has deceived me, and I would like to encourage others to really open up before the Lord and seek His counsel, He knows the truth of the heart and His Spirit can convict whatever needs conviction.
I love your openness “I am a sucker for certain details”, I can relate. I, like you, asked my self similar questions, “what would be my boundaries and how would I implement them without discouraging them?”. This podcast brings so much valuable information but also leaves me with many “how to” questions.
Amen. It really gets your gears turning on how to better my Christian walk with others in a way that is holy and pleasing to God, but also allows for them to be completely open.
Kayla, I relate, and have said many things that I have repented over.Our tongues are like a little member that boasts great things and can defile the whole body(James 3:5,6) and even the body of Christ. Grace is not an excuse for sin to abound. I am blessed to have received so much Mercy. Boundaries for speaking are not just for the counseling session but for everyday. I am in the Psalm 34 and the the first verse is “ I will bless the LORD at all times His Praise shall be continually in my mouth”. I pray that I will sing His praises for all eternity and that when situations arise that I need to help others that my ears are tuned in to hear the spirit for wisdom and direction and that my tongue will speak Gods word. Thanks for sharing.
Biblical Counseling should be just that, counseling which brings, and points the person to the word of God. Thus, allowing the word of God to work from the inside out. Pastor Romaine, who for years was Pastor Chuck’s assistant pastor I have been told would console folks at Costa Mesa by giving them Pastor Chuck’s teaching tapes after hearing the person problem. He would hand them the tape and tell them to go listen to it.
It is essential as counselors to bring that person to the living waters, just as Jesus did while He was sitting at the well talking to the Samaritan woman. Why is the person coming to see the counselor in the first place? I believe we need to keep the main thing the main thing, it’s easier said than done sometimes, however don’t allow them to wander off down rabbit trails, which will lead into a gossip session.
Listening to the Podcast and reading the first chapter in “How People Change by Timothy Lane and Paul Tripp, states there is a gospel gap which will eventually be filled with something. Whether it’s filled by the Word of God or things of the world. Self-righteousness is very dangerous to the believer as well as the body of Christ. We cannot allow hearsay, rumors wicked talebearing to enter the counselling session.
I like your comment about self righteousness. People coming for help are often already caught up in defending themselves by taking the high road. The last thing they need to see is a self righteous attitude from the counselor. As a counselor I have no answers, but the Spirit of God does and that is where we need to take those seeking help.
I like how you brought up the woman at the well, I had to read the story in John 4 to refresh myself. I love how quickly Jesus is able to get into her heart: First with the water, then with her life, and then with her spiritual life, and ends by declaring He is the messiah.
The pride of being the wise one to the counselee was also a good warning for me, as I do get huffed and puffed on my own little pedestal sometimes. It’s never a good place to be because it will fall, and when it does, I get hurt and it may hurt others! Speech is a big one for me to humble myself before the Lord before I say something with my untamed tongue.
I think at times we can all be like the man at the pool of Bethesda John 5:1-9Jesus asked him “do he wanted to be well? The man began to complain that there was no one to help him. And that started his complaining about not making it in time when the water was stirred. Because of sin we all have that problem blame shifting. Lately my thoughts have been that we have been created in the image of God, Genesis 1:27. I am a house wife with many duties and one is to care for my elderly mother in law. At times I have found myself stumbling with my words(James 3), and confessing my sin (1 John 1:9). Gods word reminds me to be holy as He is holy, moving forward and to speak life to her this helps me and her not to be so frustrated with the things she can no longer do. Thanks for your podcast it is a help and a reminder that whatever God calls us to it is important and we must always strive to do it well.
Thank you Sheila, I have been convicted of my sin of blame-shifting. Now that I identify as a child of God the blame-shifting is no longer an option in my heart. I’m truly seeking God in every word I speak as I find myself stumbling over my words unless they are holy and worthy of the Lord for His good purpose in my communication.
Thank you Sheila for sharing that verse out of John 5. I find that a helpful reminder to ask myself or even the person coming to me “why have you sought counsel? Is it to be healed?” It reminds me of advice I have heard elsewhere that when one spouse wants to “vent” to another the listening party should ask “would you like me to help you find a solution or do you just want me to be a listening ear?” The point of the advice was to gauge the needs of the partner but your point now makes me think more critically of this advice. Perhaps everyone’s time and characters would be saved if, in my interactions, I were bold enough to ask “do you want to be healed? Do you want to deal with the issues within your heart and live in godliness” and then decline to go further if they only want to gossip. It also challenges me to think critically when I seek counsel. “What is my hope in sharing my problem?”
This is a very needful podcast for us who are counseling people. First is the principle of keeping the circle as small as possible. It is best to not involve anymore people than what is necessary to get people moving in the right direction. All too often bringing other people into the circle for “prayer and advice” ends up creating a gossip circle. Keep the number of people involved to a minimum for the most effective results.
I have found that it is best to spend a little bit of time in the beginning to get a history of the problem and then quickly move into a mode of problem solving. Dwelling too long in the history of the problems will just foster more bitterness and unforgiveness. Getting the needy party or parties on the road to scripture reading, faithful church attendance, putting others first, etc., will be much more effective in the long run,
Hi Harry, yes that is very important to get the needy party moving in the right direction salvation, scripture, worship, fellowship. Dwelling on the past only brings more frustration, bitterness and yes gossip. Thanks for sharing.
Harry; I agree with you this is a needful wake up call to the body of Christ in the are of counselling. I like your statement concerning dwelling too long in an area. You are correct when you said it would eventually lead into a gossip or grip session concerning, a fellow believer, friend, spouse or pastors. And your last sentence in your statement is spot on my friend hit the nail on the head. Then sooner the better it is for all involved to involve the word of God as soon as possible.
Yes. I worked with a group of women for some time, and the “prayer and advice” circle did turn into a mini “gossip” circle. I had a hard time being apart of the group because of the amount of talking. Thank you for your advice to keep the circle as small as possible; and I appreciate that reminder to be quick to lead them to Christ.
Hi Harry, I agree with you on keeping the circle as small as possible. I’ve been involved in group counseling sessions that so quickly turn into a gossip session filled with self-righteousness. I’ve been convicted of my self-righteous behavior and attitude as well. May the Lord continue to search my heart and mind and cleanse me of any self-righteous or blasphemous words against another person.
I agree! I have found in myself that concentrating on fixing my sinful attitudes, reactions or feelings is most often the solution to what I think is a problem with others. Walking in the Spirit makes what we used to consider “problems” no longer “problems” but instead viewed as challenges that are overcome victoriously through Christ who gives us strength.
This podcast is very convicting but also challenges those of us who are called to be Biblical Counselors. As a Biblical counselor you want to let the person seeking soul care to speak their heart and share their hurts and struggles. But it can lead to that evil speaking against someone they are struggling with. This is where the “biblical” in counselors comes into play. A biblical counselors has be filled with the word and just as Pastor Jeff encourages us to be that Berean in Act 17:11, and search the scriptures in order to find truth. If we are to be a beacon of light it is cruical that we don’t lead someone down the path of darkness by allowing them to sin by the words that proceed from their tongues. This podcast has been really opened my mind and heart to changing how I counsel and help those who are seeking soul care. My heart to help and not cause more pain. I pray for forgiveness for sinning by allowing this kind of counseling creep in and for Godly wisdom to help me grow into that Berean that honors and seek Godly truth. Thanks you Pastor Jeff.
We are all growing in wisdom in this counseling effort, MichelleR. We make mistakes and we learn. I know I have made plenty myself. Experienced and Godly men like Pastor Jeff are pouring themselves into us and helping us to grow in wisdom.
Thank your for your encouraging words. This is my goal to draw closer to the Lord. This will enable me to discern “evil speaking” and help guide the counsele to use their words the will bless and honor God.
Michelle, one thing which came to mind while listening to the Podcast and reading the posts on this subject was the song “All Who Are Thirsty” All who are thirsty, All who are weak. Come to the fountain Dip your heart in the streams of life Let the pain and the sorrow Be washed away In the waves of his mercy As deep cries out to deep, we sing. Legitimate folks are coming to us with hurts and pains as you stated in your post correctly. Most want help, a small percentage might just want a gossip session. It’s a fine line we walk.
You are correct we should not allow folks to go down a sinfully path by allowing them to spew gossip, hearsay etc. in a counselling session. We need to be mindful of how powerful and destructive the tongue is and can be. The book of James describes it well. James 3:5 Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles.
Thank for your insight. I am in agreement with you. It is very vital that as biblical counselors we set ourselves apart from secular wisdom and knowledge, and bring to hope and soul care that is needed.
YES! My morning meditation was on this verse, James 3:5, so I was delighted that the podcast touched on the topic. While words can be spoken and easily forgotten about by the speaker, it is important to remember that once they leave our mouth we have lost control of their weight on another (positive or negative). Someone may make a flippant comment or engage in gossip and not have any idea how those words sit with another….or who they end up travelling to. We are ultimately known by our doings and our words represent what is really on our heart.
So true here Jessica, we may not fully understand the weight of our words…. “And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life and is set on fire by hell” (James 3:6). “By forbearance a ruler can be persuaded, and a soft tongue breaks a bone” (Proverbs 25:15).
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Proverbs 18:21).
Also there is the aspect of coming into agreement with someone. If we as counselors are listening to corrupt communication, (instead of rightly doing our part to prevent it) in essence, we may be coming into agreement with someone as they speak negatively about another person. So much to think about within this podcast. May God help us all to be aware of, alert to, and to overcome all those things (spiritually) that seek to overcome us.