SCROLL DOWN TO THE COMMENTS!
What You'll Discover in this Episode:
Jesus Did Not Revile in Return
When People Slander your Reputation
I want to talk to you about being reviled or being met with resistance, rejection, revulsion when you are being a helper of people’s joy; you are a counselor helping a counselee; you are a pastor, or a ministry leader and you are being rejected. How do you deal with that?
This blog post talks a lot about God's mercy. When others revile you, Jesus understands 1 Peter 2:23. When Jesus was reviled, He did not revile in return. We look to Christ in you. The hope of glory is the only way not to revile in return. As the work of the Sprit of God equips us to respond in ways that reflect His love, it is maturity.
Let us look at different ways the Lord Jesus will help us navigate pain and do it with faith and wisdom.
First, we should consider the situation.
When someone disparages you with their words, it can be tempting to respond quickly in self-defense, but we should wait before responding James 1:5. The words of somebody else against us can be inaccurate and harmful. Yet, if you are a biblical counselor, we are involved in caring for souls of others. These “others” are oftentimes struggling and suffering in profound ways.
We need to consider the circumstances of those who seek help and evaluate their words or speech even if they are painful or damaging because their suffering might affect the way they are looking at life. They might have challenges that they are reacting against.
We want to understand where the person is at, the reasons they said things against you and not assume that those responses are independent from the trials that they are facing (Proverbs 18:13).
Second thing you want to consider is the Savior.
The words of others can bring sorrow, they can cut deep and leave a wound. It is like betrayal that washes over your heart and can break into waves of resentment, bitterness, and grief.
Look to Jesus Matthew 11:28-29. He cares about you as much as He cares about your counselee.
Considering Christ is the only way that you can rightly respond when a person shifts the blame upon you for their suffering and they try to discredit your ministry or your reputation.
The author of Hebrew in exhortation said, “Consider him who endured such hostility against himself so that you may not grow weary and faint-hearted.” Hebrews 12:3
Consider the big picture of God’s purposes.
This is your sanctification. People can revile to the point of sin, Ephesians 4:29. The battles that you go through are not arbitrary, but they have a purpose. There are truths that you need to hear and there are things that you need to learn about the way you serve Jesus.
Learn how to respond to the accusations of others in a way that is humble. If a sin occurred (by omission or commission), seek God’s heart, pursue humility, ask for forgiveness, and hear the truth that God wants you to receive. God uses this trial for sanctification to change our lives. James 1-4, 2 Cor. 3:18
Consider your response.
If you have not, sooner or later you will be reviled. When you do, you need to consider the situation and the person, consider the Savior, consider the big purposes of God, and then consider your response.
Discern and be protected. This happens through prayer. Proverbs 4:19, Proverbs 6:12-15, Proverbs 26:4
When you have got the Wonderful Counselor, consider these possibilities and the response that God wants you to make. He will reveal to you that we are called to be peacemakers, Matthew 5:19. Act as the shepherd specially to those who wander from God’s care, Acts 20:28.
Pursue reconciliation to the one who reviled you, Matthew 5:23-24. See the fruit of the peace and restoration in the life of the other and in your relationship, Matthew 18:15.
Reflection:
Is there sin in you or is there sin you have committed that can be acknowledged or addressed? Matthew 7:3-5. Go to your brother or sister in love and humility. Be merciful. Listen to understand, not to refute an argument. Proverbs 18:15. Offer the hope of Jesus Christ from their own pain or suffering.
God is the author of the outcome and He will work all these things together according to the counsel of His will, Romans 12:18-19, Ephesians 1:11.
How have you found victory in considering the Savior when you are reviled?
Being reviled is not pleasant when you are reaching out to others. Our reaction may tend to be negative. After all aren’t I trying to help. Pastor Jeff gives some good advice. Don’t be hasty. It may be that God is revealing something about our on heart that we need to deal with in order the make us more affective as a councilor. Perhaps we lack patience or empathy. We need to ask God to show us the areas of weakness that we need to deal with.
God may also being giving us a window into the heart of the one we are to help. Perhaps He wants us to see the origins of the hurts and problems that they need us to minister to the most. Considering the person, ourselves, and God’s purposes will give us the right prospective to be most helpful.
Great insight here Harry, and I do so agree. “It may be that God is revealing something about our on heart that we need to deal with in order to make us more affective as a councilor” Often times we are the one’s in need of growth, healing and maturity. After all, if we are so quick to respond to negativity, with negativity, then are not we the one’s in much need of God’s grace?
So many times the Lord works in us while working through us. When the healing waters begin to flow, it would seem that more and more stuff begins to surface.
God so graciously reveals these areas to us that we might willingly engage in the battle against our greatest enemy…our self.
“We may have met the enemy, and it is us” POGO
“The true Christian’s nostril,
is to be continually attentive to the inner cesspool” C.S. Lewis
“There is not a righteous man on earth,
who does what is right and never sins” (Ecclesiastes 7:20).
Patience and empathy is a big revelation that I have received a few times. I tend to be very impatient with “repeat offenders” as if I myself am not one. You know the kind of people that come to us with the same problem over and over, and you point them the same solution, the only solution, but it’s not what they want to hear, yeah those. We do have to consider God’s purpose in every situation, even in what seems to be a bad one, we just never know what God’s intentions are with it. Blessings.
“God can use the trial for sanctification.” This is something I came to understand many years ago. My dad and I had a “discussion” in where he went about reviling me and my role as a mother. I was furious, hurt and deeply offended. It lead to a confrontation, long story short, he asked me for forgiveness and that was that. Later that day, as the hurt was still within me, turning in my head, I reflected on the things he said. Though how he said it, and his choice of words were very wrong, God showed me that there was a lot of truth in what he said. It alerted me to what I was doing wrong, and I must say it helped me change my approach with my kids. However, with that lesson learned and all, I still have a very hard time with this. Very often do I take the wrong approach to peoples reviling comments. Today in fact being one of those days. As a customer approached me with injustices, lies and degrading comments I responded with a few choice “defense” words myself. I’ll be honest, I tried to pursue humility but he kept talking and talking and I broke. God is still working in me. His word daily rebukes me, corrects me and trains me, but it feels like I am simply a slow learner.
Being reviled is one of the hardest situation that I have experienced in my christian walk. This happened to many times when I was on staff with my church. Just as Pastor Jeff shared for some reason people in the church are quick to criticize or speak against you. It was difficult to handle at times because you don’t want to escalade the problem and cause more damage.
The Lord was very good and gracious to me. Every time I got this comment “I can I meet with you?” I knew that it was going to be a difficult conversation. This is where God’s graciousness and goodness equipped and helped me. I would seek him in prayer asking for wisdom (James 1:5) for a loving spirit (1 Corinthians 13) before I would meet with them. I found when I just sat and let the person tell me some very hurtful and unkind things about how I offended them, and try not defend or give an excuses for the accusations and listen to the Holy Spirit whisper to me just be humble and listen. When I did this, the conversation would turn around, It gave me opportunity to ask for their forgiveness even if I knew I hadn’t done what they accused me of, but I have learned sorry goes a long way and it helps put anger to rest. It also allowed me to minister and help find out what the real issue was that is in their life to respond to me so harshly. And many times it wasn’t me, but a problem that was going on. By being humble and kind it opened up their hearts to me to feel safe and vulnerable to where they would share their difficult situation. Yes, there would be tears, anger, but it would always end in peace. This was always my goal as a leader in the church to be willing to sit, listen, and seek forgiveness and peace, so in the end I could be a good representation of Christ’s love towards the Body of Christ.
I know this was long and forgive me, but what Paster Jeff spoke about in the podcast is absolutely true. Every point is he expressed on how to handle being reviled and seeking the word of God is the only way that peace and restoration can happen you are being reviled on. Thanks for letting me share my experience. Blessings!
This podcast came one day too late for me, but I was able to remedy the situation thru James 1:5. I asked God for wisdom and I needed help and mercy in this situation. This is my issue. My ex-husband’s wife, whom my son and daughter currently live with practices Wicca. They are having issues with our daughter. She is feeling abused and attacked. She’s oppressed and hearing voices that I believe are demonic. She came to me with her issues and I blatantly told her not to go back to that home. When I dropped off my Son, I was confronted by his dad because our daughter didn’t return. This caused him anger and wanted to know what was the issue. Well, I let loose with my tongue and called them Satanic. I said the problem is your wife’s a witch. And that’s when I got attacked which I knew was going to happen. But the attacks that usually would have deeply hurt me as they did in the past didn’t wound my spirit. Yes, I was hurt because they attacked my Christianity and said many things that were pertaining to the way I raise my children in my home when they are with me. We are seeing everything through a different lens. After listening to Jeff, I was able to relate to this situation from a Biblical perspective. I was not wrong in what I said but it hurt them. If I want to lead them to Christ which is my goal since he is the father of my children, I had to come back to them in peace and kindness. Our communication became sweeter and I believe his wife took heed of the fact that witchcraft is wrong. That’s what I’m praying for anyway. We took out the negativity and stopped blame-shifting. Where before they would not allow my son to attend church. The Lord softened their heart and I am going to take him with me this Sunday. Praise Jesus! My daughter is going to move back in with me. I’m trying desperately to get her on track with the Lord. But she’s under spiritual attack. I put on the armour of God and called my prayer warriors. Our prayers were answered yesterday. There is a huge deception of Satan in this family. I have to be careful of my words as they are used against me. I only speak after I pray about it now. I don’t know if anyone has experienced this in their counselling non-christians or anyone dealing in witchcraft or satanic attacks of the mind. It’s hard to decipher without the Holy Spirit guiding my thoughts. I’m growing in the Lord and have a discernment that I didn’t have before. I’m growing in wisdom as well. This was a challenging situation that the Lord heard our prayers and reconciled. My prayer is their dad will return to the Lord and see that what his wife is doing to our children is in fact Satanic and oppressive. The attacks on me bare no weight. I am protected by the Blood of Christ.
“For what credit is there if, when you sin and are harshly treated, you endure it with patience? But if when you do what is right and suffer for it you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God. For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, who committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in His mouth; and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously” (1Peter 2:20-23).
How many times have I fallen short here? Sure, I have grown in this area down through the years (only by the grace of God), but honestly, I still fall short. Often times (in the heat of the moment) I get out of the spirit and into the flesh. This is where the devil wants us operating (in the flesh). It is here that we are somewhat vulnerable and prone to his trickery. When people are in the flesh things can go sour…real quick. It is in these moments (with God’s help) that we need not say anything. Oh to be spirit led 24/7.
It is true, there is so much to consider and hindsight is always 20/20. I like the idea of “considering the Savior.” Jesus lived a perfect life without sin (unlike us). His entire mission was one of love, wisdom, sacrifice/suffering and service (unlike us); yet He was ridiculed, reviled, mocked. spit upon and even put to death. Nothing could stop Him nor detour Him because He kept “entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously.”
It is easy to get caught up into a pity party. It is easy to see the “speck in our brother’s eye” and to ignore “the speck” in our own eye. God is not unaware of the times that we are being reviled and/or when we are suffering. According to Scripture, this is part of our purpose, this is our calling, to endure it, to press on, and to pick up our cross and follow Him. May God give us all the grace and the wisdom…. to suffer well.
Hi James,
I really like your reminder of Jeff’s point to “Consider the Saviour.” I often think about Hebrews 12:3 and 4 and think “Man, I don’t have it half as bad,” but then I wonder what if it were to get that bad. I mean I will never have to carry the weight of the world’s sins but what if I was being persecuted to such an extreme. I think “I couldn’t endure that. I don’t have it in me.”
It reminds me of something that happened to me some years ago. I was in a situation where something a brother did really upset me. Looking back it wasn’t even that bad, but I felt like he really tarred my character. I knew I was supposed to extend grace but I didn’t feel like I could. It was too hard. I prayed and wondered to God “Why is this so hard?” I thought about how Jesus endured the cross and I thought “Well You’re God. I am not.” And it was like “Yep.” The power to forgive or extend grace is really a supernatural work. We can only do it by the work of God/The Holy Spirit/ Jesus in us. We need Jesus ALL THE TIME. I really like your prayer at the end, “May God give us all the grace and the wisdom.. to suffer well.”
As I took notes for this podcast episode, I realized how much of the responding involved God – or at least how much of my response should involve God. I more than often respond on my overwhelming surge of emotions, and I don’t say things gently or I don’t say anything at all, but leave. I am on a constant search to figure out how God wants me to respond and how I can control my emotions, be sober, and respond with the love of Christ to others.
I took note of what Jeff said about being attacked, but still being able to find some truth that could apply to my life in where I need change. I thought that was very good for me to hear and take to heart. I do not take criticism well (even kind, heartfelt criticism), so that was something new for me to hear and really consider: Where can I change; is there anything that I am being taught through this attack? And then, of course, remembering that we do not fight with flesh and blood, but spiritual wars (Ephesians 6:12).
Seek God and pray should become my very first response to any situation.
Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing Kayla. Your last statement, “Seek God and pray should become my very first response to any situation.” really hits home. I really struggled with the growth from speaking & responding emotionally to not saying anything at all. I knew how I wasn’t supposed to react but became unsure of what reacting like Jesus should look like, so I said nothing and buried all the hurts. Neither gave me peace. I felt guilty for even speaking in love. This was a tough season. I was praying and not trusting the guidance the Holy Spirit gave me. Once I confessed and repented of this, things started to change. He began asking me to do things I didn’t feel comfortable doing, like calling back a parent and telling them what they said hurt my feelings. That’s something I would NEVER do. I found the more I sought Him the more He grew and guided me. I still have a hard time receiving even the heartfelt criticism I need, but I don’t self-destruct anymore as a way to cope. Growing hurts! Keep seeking Him first above all else and letting Him guide you. He is faithful and knows exactly what you need. ‘I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit.” Ephesians 3:16
Kayla, I like your emphasis of getting control of the emotions. Emotions not under control can really cloud the issue, and really mess things up. Pastor Jeff’s suggestion of don’t be hasty is the best way to get the emotions under control so that we can properly evaluate the needs of others.
I love that you shared this. I can truly relate. It’s hard to not be overtaken by emotions. It’s not always automatic to stop, pray and or remember how Jesus responded under similar circumstances. But there is hope for us yet, as we practice (practice means we will fail but continue trying and learning from our mistakes) we will be perfected by the convictions and transforming power of the Holy Spirit. Be blessed.
I have to admit I really don’t like the idea of being reviled. What I dislike even more is the idea that I might actually be in the wrong. I know that this is fear of man.
I really appreciated Jeff’s point that maybe, just maybe, the reviler has a point when they come after us. I know that I have shared before that for now I have kind of taken a step back from ministry to kind of deal with my own issues, ironically the issue that was the catalyst was my apathy towards community. I feel like the Lord has been speaking to me on this issue. There is a part of me that wants accolades, “oh how responsible and humble of her. She’s really considering her walk and taking the role of leadership seriously.” The fear of man is really the idol of self. The other day I felt like God was speaking to my heart and this is my sort of paraphrase: “You are a leader whether you put yourself out there or not. People will see your actions. You stepping back saying that you want to ‘fix things’ but not doing anything only communicates that it’s ok to sin as long as no one sees. Deal with the issue” (deal with the issue meaning confess and repent with His help). I want to be better at being open to criticism. I want to be actually present in community for both the easy and the bumpy. I want to be better at pressing into the rough moments and be free from the idol of myself. I think when that happens it makes the moments when someone attacks me and my character easier to handle, because I don’t need to save my image. My only goal is to magnify Jesus. That’s perhaps a little over simplified, but it’s better than being afraid of what people say about me all the time. I wish I could bring a victory like Jeff asked for. I don’t have one yet, but I trust that Jesus will accomplish that work.
Reading your post, I am reminded of Paul when he says “I worked harder than all the rest” (not sure on the reference or context) and I think it really brings to my attention that being a follower of Christ is hard work. We all will go through our trails of hard things, God’s testing to see if we can carry our cross that Jesus asked of us (Luke 9:23-24), and that’s hard work!
God makes wise the simple through His word (Psalm 19:7), over complicating ourselves over complicates the Gospel (in my opinion). I love how you have made it simple in saying “My only goal is to magnify Jesus.” That is a worthy goal, and “Let no one cause me trouble, for I bear on my body the marks of Jesus.” Galatians 6:17.
Confessing is hard, but the reward is freedom in Christ. I pray that God guides you through this trial in your life!
Hi Barbara, WOW! thank you for being open and vulnerable. Yes, it is hard receiving criticism from people and not trying to stay humble and kind at the same time. It’s amazing to me how the Lord is not letting you go of your giftings and talents as a leader and wanting you to grow and mature in them. I really loved your comment ” Be free from the idol of self”, that is always the goal in our walks not glorify flesh but glorify the Lord. Keep seeking and leaning on the Lord because He loves very much! Blessings!
It’s hard to be confronted concerning our short coming but it is so necessary. You see the Lord will bring things to our attention that He wants to change in us. He puts us through the refiner’s fire in order to reflect His Son Jesus Christ to this dying and hopeless word we reside in. He is the Potter, We are the clay.
You brought up the point about leadership or just being a Christian, when folks find out that we serve God we are put into a fish tank to be watched and observed on how we behave to trials and tribulations. That point hit hard with me. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks Kevin. That is something I think about often. I say that I am a leader, but I don’t mean that I am anybody special. I think every believer is a leader. They now have the calling of “leading” other people to Jesus.
I use to have this mentality that I am “called” to be a leader and that I had to be superhuman. Over time I realized I am a really messed up individual and in an attempt to be humble I tried to give the “gift of leadership” back to God. It doesn’t work like that. I don’t get to just sit it out. I cannot say “I choose not to be a leader and so if I mess up here and there it’s not as big of a deal because I am not responsible for other people now.” It is true I am not responsible for the thoughts and actions of other people, but I am responsible for the image of God that He so graciously bestowed upon me by covering me with His Son.
I know I am kind of blurring the lines between the common call of a believer to leadership and the actual gift of leadership. My hope is not to bring down the role of a leader but raise up the call of a Christian, if that makes sense.
Wow, Barbara Su, that business about hating to be wrong is a really big point. Who wants to be wrong. I know I don’t, but when God reveals it to us, a humble admission on our part will go along way to making us a more affective councilor. I once heard it said that at least some of what people say about us, critically, is probably true. Recognizing the wrong and dealing with it will cause us to grow.
Parenting can be very hard, but it is rewarding. I have two girls, now women both married. Our relationships with are children are very important as we are there to not only teach them about living in the world but to teach them about God , who He is, what He came to do and the Salvation He offers for Eternity. I am sure I am not alone that discipline and correction between a parent and child are not easy and either party can get upset with the other. There have been times when I have done it all wrong, and have had to humble myself with repentance to the LORD and then to my child. Praise God for grace that abounds, but that grace is not an excuse but a tool to stop the next time and ask God for wisdom before speaking. Prayer is essential as well. Correction is showing the error, but not harshly. Revile is to criticize abusively. If my children ever said I was mean, I never heard that they told anyone else although they have said that to me. Correction is a two way street and is so helpful in learning. I find great comfort in that last sentence of your writing ” God is the author of the outcome and will work all things together by the counsel of His will”. There is always something to learn from these experiences that we can help others grow and bear fruit also( John 15:8). Thank you for these podcasts, and the extra reading from Brady Goodwin was helpful too.
Hi Sheila, I can totally relate to you. I too have grown children 2 boys and 2 girls and I can remember being too harsh with them, but the Lord in His goodness would call me out on it. Just like you, I would have to repent and ask for forgiveness first with the Lord and then with my children. Which was hard, because I would fear they would think or believe that I was weak or I would loss their respect. But, that never happened with them it actually made them more loving and patient with me. This was something that helped me grow and mature in my walk. Thank you for sharing. Blessings!
Wow Sheila, Thank you for sharing that. I am kind of a new mom, my little guy is just over a year old now. Before having him I used to be afraid. I was afraid because I knew I was a flawed person and I felt like a mom is supposed to be the one who knows best for their children. I really disliked the idea that I was going to fail my child especially when I thought about all the things that my failure could mean. “Will he get hurt because of me? Will I lead him down a bad path? Will he adopt bad habits from me?”
I also didn’t like the idea of having to say sorry to my child. It’s been just a little over a year now with my little guy and I have to say sorry often. I appreciate the reminder to take a step back and engage the Lord in my parenting, especially as my kiddo gets older and we’ll be able to converse more. I also appreciate the reminder to be willing to receive from him. It doesn’t mean he is leading the house but we are in a healthy community with one another. Thank you.
Pastor Jeff dropped so many gems in this week’s podcast. Some of the very best advice that I ever received in my life was NOT to respond in haste to criticism, slander, rejection or other’s vile comments. I am in total agreement with pastor Jeff that whenever I have not followed this advice I have regretted it. When I feel my blood start to boil I try to follow these steps, in order to regain control over my emotions:
1. Become Alert
2. PRAY/ OBSERVE / LISTEN
3. Remain non-reactive
4. PRAY. PRAY. PRAY
We are living in a world that is consumed with uncivil behavior. The last 12-16 months, living through the Covid-19 pandemic has certainly not helped our stress levels. As a whole we have lost consideration of others, so it is all the more important that, as Christians, we set ourselves apart from this behavior and let our light shine bright. I am far from perfect and a work in progress on a good day, but as Pastor Jeff mentioned – I try to lend the other party a level of understanding. I was struck by Pastor Jeff’s mention of “considering their lifestyle to see through their lens.” Excellent advice. There are a multitude of reasons why one would cast revilement towards another and if we do not listen, observe, offer consideration of others we will never be able to truly help them, let alone lead them to Christ. BE KIND. “For everyone you meet is fighting a battle that you know nothing about.” – Plato
I like your first step “Become Alert” and I like this because it sets my attention to be aware of the situation and not the words or actions that are done to me. My emotions are lakes that break free at first sign of a fire, but you’re right, I need to be alert and observe, not crash.
Praying instantly is the step I need to work on, and not a selfish prayer either, but a considerate prayer. Thank you for re-emphasizing that looking through their eyes can bring understanding into their situation; I can apply so much grace through God’s view of mercy into their life.
Once again this hit the nail on the head. Sometimes, I feel the need to lay hands-on folks in order to pray for them violently. It is not easy to sit there calmly and take a direct hit from someone especially someone who you have been trying to help. Its just not right. However, as Pastor Jeff stated he takes notes when someone is railing at him. We can all learn something from someone else. I find in my case; my wife is an excellent barometer in my life, especially in areas where I need to change in.
I like what Pastor Jeff said concerning about waiting on the Lord with our reply. I just recently experienced a similar situation where I wrote an email three times, saved it twice as a draft and finally after calming down I then deleted it. I am so very glad that I did.
Sometimes we are in the wrong place at the right time.
Sometimes we are used as a whipping post, because that person’s life is coming crushing down upon them. They are frustrated have no place to turn too, so they lash out in a desperation. This is why total dependency upon Jesus is necessary in the life of a Christian. This is where wisdom, discernment and prayer come into play. I need to be wise as a serpent and gentle as a dove.
No matter what we go through we need to remain focus on Jesus. Sometimes the Lord sends people into our lives in order to act as sandpaper to smooth out the rough spot in our lives so He can use us more to reflect the love of His Son Jesus to others.
2 Corinthians 12:10 Therefore, I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Thanks for sharing your email experience. Praise God you deleted it. It’s amazing how writing, rewriting and pausing put your focus back on Jesus. Letter writing is one thing I recommend frequently to clients. I practice this myself. Our feelings need to go somewhere and we need to work through them. God is always faithful to meet us where we are at and guide us as He heals those wounds. Confronting someone else from a place of hurt and anger never ends well. We step out of the Spirit and into the flesh, blowing our witness. It’s hard to reel our frustrations back in. Not dealing with the feelings allows bitterness to take root. We are warned of this in Hebrews 12:15 “See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled;” Thank God for His mercy and grace.
As Pastor Jeff mentioned, it is SUCH great advice NOT to respond in haste when you feel strong emotions begin to arise inside of you. Whether an email, social media comment/post or in person retort. I have always regretted spouting off, and as I have gotten older (and learned from my mistakes) I am getting much better with self-restraint. Not that I can take any kind of credit because it is all directly tied to my level of closeness with God. Emotions can be such a distraction and I have also found that when I am emotional it helps immensely to write out my feelings, allow for a cool down period, PRAY, and then revisit what I wrote. More often than not I am surprised by the passion of my immediate response to the matter and when I re-approach it post-prayer and time I have a controlled peace in which I can then decide if a response is even necessary. Timing is SO important in life (Proverbs 15:18). Inspired by this podcast I was researching the medical connection between anger how it effects our judgement. I was lead to read an article in a Harvard medical Journal which said “Once activated, anger can color people’s perception, form their decisions, and guide their behavior while they remain angry, regardless of whether the decisions at hand are related to their source of anger.” Sounds like the Devil to me! 😉
Hi Jessica, so very true here, “… it is SUCH great advice NOT to respond in haste when you feel strong emotions begin to arise inside of you”. Unfortunately I’m sure many of us have had to learn (and are still learning this the hard way). It is almost as if James chapter three comes to life in that, “For every species of beasts and birds of reptiles and creatures of the sea, is tamed, and has been tamed by the human race. But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison” (James 3:7-8). Often times we don’t realize the extent of the hurtful words that come out of our mouths until after they are spoken. Often times we can’t believe that we had said such a thing, and then once we do, we are instantly aware of our own selfishness ambition, bitter jealousy and even hard heartedness.
Often times the mouth does get to moving faster than the brain, and seems to go off track like a runaway freight train. Often times we do have to go before the Lord (and others) and ask for forgiveness for such unrestraint.
“Who among you is wise and understanding (good question here from James, a self-confrontation question)? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of the wisdom” (James 3:13).
“A wise man, once said…nothing.”
Kevin, That is so true that our focus or gaze must be on Jesus. We were studying 1 John 3:1last week in a bible study. We looked at the word Behold. The scripture reads Behold, what manner the love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called the children of God and that is what we are the reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.To behold something is to gaze upon. To behold something gets our attention. John the baptist used that word to when he He said ” Behold the lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world John 1:29. If we can keep our eyes on Jesus our problems would be seen as so much smaller. Let us always be helping others to get their gaze on Jesus. Thanks for sharing.
I have made the mistake of “sending that email” in my own way, and yes. I was not in the right place when I spoke my mind. Dependence on Christ is so important, as He knows the hearts of everyone, I can be sure in Him to care for them and myself.
I love how you brought up the “wise as serpents and gentle as doves” to remind me of that spiritual maturity to be watchful rather than reactionary. I have a pet snake and he is indeed very slow and cautious, never reactive, but always watching before making a move; being calm and collected (or so he seems). God uses all things for His glory, and I think it would be neat to learn to do that, too.
Thank you for the encouragement to respond in Christ. I received an email reviled to me and I reworded it 5 times and it still didn’t work in the Spirit. I deleted it and just said thank you for your thoughts. God bless you and may we communicate in love.
It’s a challenge to respond in love when being reviled. My feelings and emotions can rush to the surface. I try to be acutely aware of this before I open my mouth in response. Sometimes I fail miserably at this. Words hurt whether they are true or not. My flesh wants to be confrontational and defend myself. I have to pause and seek the guidance and wisdom of the Holy Spirit. This is true in all circumstances, not just when counseling someone. I have to weigh and test my response against the fruit of the Spirit. My personal feelings aside, will my response and reaction bear love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control? If any one of these is missing I know I will be responding in the flesh and missing the counsel from the Holy Spirit. I have had to choke back tears when reviled, calm anger that rose up and not be reactive. It’s extremely difficult. God started working on this in me before He called me to be a Biblical Counselor. I thought in the beginning when I noticed these changes I had gotten weak. Jesus gently reminded me that He was not weak. I am to follow His example and learn from Him. As I have grown I now see, although it’s not easy to do, His reasoning. Hurt people hurt people. I am called to a higher standard not only as a Biblical Counselor but as a Christian. I need to seek, pray, listen and respond in a God honoring way, including addressing hard to hear truths- His way, not mine.
Christina; it is so very hard to sit there and not try to defend yourself for being attacked. We must remember what Jesus went through at His trial. He went to the cross as a lamb went to the slaughter. Believe me Christina, I give you a tremendous amount of credit for your strength in the Lord for responding the way that you did, as person who is representing Jesus. You displayed the Love of Jesus to that person.
2 Corinthians 12:10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong. Christiana this is a hard scripture to live out, however, you are walking in Jesus’s strength and you are living it out. Continue to walk in the strength of our Lord.
Thank you for your encouragement Kevin. Our walk isn’t easy but it’s absolutely worth it. Great Scripture. May God continue to have His hand firmly upon you and use you mightily for His glory.
Hurt people hurt people. So true! I feel like I say that a lot in defense of poor behavior – however it is so true. Really grasping that concept allows us to offer a level of understanding & empathy to another prior to knowing the details of where their hurt comes from. I was recently listening to another podcast which said the term disciple comes from the Greek work mathetes, meaning “one who engages in learning through instruction from another – a pupil or apprentice.” I got a lot from how you said that you try to consider all of the fruit of the HS to ensure you are responding in Spirit and not of the flesh. This is great advice – thank you for sharing.
Christina, That was an excellent point , I wish i had thought about that ” You weigh and test your response and reaction against the Holy Spirit.” This is so true that if we don’t think and pray for these qualities we respond in the flesh. As Christians we are called to higher standings and we want to respond to people the way Jesus responded to us with love. But God demonstrates His own love toward us that while we were still sinners Christ dies for us Romans 5:8. Thanks for sharing
Thank you for sharing this. It gave me great hope in the Holy Spirit to guide my words with my family. Words words in revival hurt and it’s hard for me to not respond in my flesh. I pray the Lord gives me wisdom to to respond as Jesus would.