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Cover an Offense or Confront?
“When to Cover an Offense and When to Confront Another’s Sin by Pastor Brady Goodwin”
In Acts 17:11, “You received all of God’s teachings with all readiness,” but you go and see the scripture to see if their message lines up.
You will be offended and sinned against. Sin and offenses can come in different variety. Sometimes it is not sin, sometimes it is bearing with the different styles of personalities. How do you respond to someone who is just different? Love endures all things. Love them. Bear with them.
When it comes to righteousness issues, refer to Romans 14:15. These are still not in the level of sins. It is still bound in the interpersonal or relational challenges. And when someone offends you sinfully, you can refer to Matthew 18, Matthew 5, Galatians 6:1.
Let us discuss further when to cover an offense and when to confront because it is sin? When can you cover it, overlook it, and move on? When do you need to confront it?
Listen to the full episode and share your thoughts in the community section below. We are looking forward to hearing from you!
Cover an offense or confront?
Just as Pastor Jeff brought out in the podcast there is much to consider before deciding in which direction the Lord may be leading in this, and of course, there is plenty of Scripture to support each option. Sometimes a good confrontation is just what one may need
(at least I know I did); yet at other times, one may need the extended arm of grace
(no doubt, I needed this as well). God has His ways of revealing sin when sin needs to be revealed, “… and be sure your sin will find you out” (Numbers 23:32). God also has His ways of covering an offense, “… love covers all transgressions” (Proverbs 10:12).
The truth is, sometimes we just don’t know. This is truly a trial and error process which usually and unfortunately has more errors at the counselee’s expense.
It is true, each person is different with different backgrounds, different offenses, different levels of sensitivity, levels of addictions, and levels of deception, and levels of sincerities or insincerities. Personally, I think Pastor Jeff is correct…if we are going to error…let us error on the side of mercy and of grace and of forgiveness, after all…is it not the kindness of God that leads us to repentance? “Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and forbearance and patience not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance” (Romans 2:4). “Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love cover a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8).
You have no idea how perfect the timing is for this subject. I have been burdened by the decision of covering or confronting a sister at church. I feel that there is friction between us but I am not clear as to why. I discern a religious spirit in her and she has possibly felt personally attacked by a few teachings I have done. However, I never do a teaching with any one person in mind. I simply pray for a subject and go by what by Holy Spirit guides. This Friday, their was a woman’s service and she made the alter call, I was up there praying for women and I felt the tug to pray for her, but I quickly shut it down thinking she would push me away. Was that pride, fear or just the voice of the enemy? I’m not sure, but I know I felt great conviction over it. I was very confused as to whether I was to cover her with love or xonfront her. Today I feel God tell me to cover her because I know she was struggling through some things with her kids and love covers and shows the love of God within us.
After listening to this podcast I had to sit and ponder on what Pastor Jeff taught. This one challenged to me about what situations do we struggle to cover or confront. I have found that this can be hard for others to do this in their marriages.
There have been times I had to counsel a wife that is struggling in marriage, and she is either telling family, friends, or leaders in th church all the sins their husband is doing. They are very angry and hurt about the sinful behaviors and not letting the Lord minister to them on how to discern what is sin or a difference in opinion about scripture. This is where a wife needs to take a step back and be the Proverbs 31 woman “The heart of her husband safely trust her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.” verses 11-12.
Or I have found wife’s in a counseling session that do not want to confront their husbands and would rather keep peace believing they are making peace. So the husbands offense is on going because she isn’t willing to speak truth and life into her husband and hold him accountable to his sinful behavior. This is a false peace many women and men fall into this truth believing they are being kind, loving, and Godly. This is where as biblical counselors we need to be discerning and hold couples accountable to their false beliefs and teach the Godly way to make peace within their martial relationship. “Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called sons of God.” Matthew 5:9
I like that you brought up “false peace” in not covering an offense but actually ignoring it. I have gone through stages in my marriage in when I only confronted and then in the confused attempt of being a submissive wife, I was being “tolerant” of the offense, when in actuality I was ignoring it to “keep the peace”. Today I have learned to discern when to tolerate, when to cover and when to confront in a loving respectful way and at the right timing. Learning this is so important in a marriage. I’ll be honest, I still fail occasionally, I still over react and confront and I still ignore in attempts to keep the peace when I feel spiritually exhausted, I’m still under construction.
Hi Ericka, you are so right. It is something that you have to learn to discern when to confront or wait. Especially in marriage, this can be very scaring sometimes. But, in time it does get easier and is beneficial to our marriages. Thanks for commenting. Appreciate your honesty. Blessings!
Again such a good subject, I will write of an incident where I made a wrong assumption. And it was my heart that was deceived. I thought wrongly about why this person did not seem to want to meet with me and was not out loud ,but in my mind, “I was responding through the lens of my own perception”. I praise God that the incident was over quickly and that God restored the relationship not because I confronted the person but they in love were able to confront me. This was definitely Galatians 6:2 being played out in my life.
Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked who can know it. It is hard to confront people about sin any sin. But among the brethren is seems to be hard because we don’t want to “rock the boat”or “stir up trouble and emotions” Each one of has to deal with their own log in our own eye first (Matthew 7:3. ) But I think that is how we must address sin. We are ambassadors for Christ(2 Corinthians 5:20) and what do we look like to the world if we are devouring one another and not repenting and being forgiven by one another.
We have a responsibility as Christians to do the will of God(Hebrews 13:21). To live righteously will cause problems(2 Tim 3:12) because those who do not know God will cause us problems. However we as Christians can cause our problems among ourselves when we live for ourselves, which usually always threatens us to be discontented, grumblers, complainers, and angry.( Philippians 2:14,16). God takes sin seriously(Matthew 18:16) and He wants us to live in peace with one another as much as it is possible with you(Romans 12:18).
thank you for sharing your experience and being so honest. I know I have done the same exact thing believing my lens of perception was correct and righteous, but to find I was absolutely wrong and was the offender. This podcast is a great lesson on how to discern the differences on sin or just not meshing well with someone and knowing when to move on or having to confront. Blessings!
Hi Sheila… These are very good scriptural points that you brought out. It is true… often times our own perception is clouded with different presuppositions which cause us to inaccurately discern current situations. If we are dealing with people than this can become a messy situation very quickly. Leave it to God to intervene when we need Him the most. The wonderful thing about the Wonderful Counselor is that His perception is never clouded and He continually has in mind the best interest of every one. After all, are we not the bride of Christ? Are we not all in need of teaching, reproof, correction, and training in righteousness? Who better to give it than the Lord Himself. Thank you for sharing. I was admonished and encouraged by your post. May God give us all a teachable, submissive, obedient, discerning spirit. That we may better serve Him, and eachother.
Wow. There is much in this podcast to process.
As a sort of regurgitation of the content it seems that Jeff’s main point is that when we are faced with the sin of another our response should always be love. We want this person to be restored. The question is what does love look like in each situation. We have a tendency to think love means “be nice.” At least that’s my tendency. In reality sometimes it means to confront. I like that he uses 1 Corinthians 13 as a guidepost as to whether we are acting in love, as it’s intended to be.
The points he mentioned to decide whether to cover or confront are really helpful. If I were to add one point to the cover list I would ask, is this person repentant or teachable. In order to discern this I think a conversation has to be had. This is something I think I’m learning, to be brave enough to have a conversation with a person. If it’s trivial or just going to bring shame unnecessarily I would avoid that, but to just say “hey friend, I noticed this… would you say that is what’s going on” might be helpful. They might not even know. A simple conversation may jump start the restoration without much need for confrontation.
I like that he says to cover should be our default. That’s helpful. It was also helpful after his confrontation list to be admonished that if it’s a situation where confrontation is necessary and we fail to do so we are in sin then. This also brings up some questions for me, though. My question is mainly dealing with discernment.
I have unfortunately been in a situation several times when without know exactly what I felt something was off. To be honest in some situations I think God gave me a word of knowledge and I did know but failed to respond because of fear. Other times, however, I felt something was off and over time the truth came out. Some of these situations were with Pastors/ Leaders and I didn’t know how to approach that because I was not really close to them and I also let the fact that I am a woman be a deterrent from speaking. Hopefully this doesn’t happen again, but in case it does, would anybody have advice then.
Thank you Pastor Jeff for the counsel.
I liked what you said here: “If it’s trivial or just going to bring shame unnecessarily.” I think often I am too quick to confront and it brings an unnecessary shame onto the person. I will have to remember this next time I want to confront someone.
As for advice for you, if ever you have the “gut feeling” to confront someone about something, you may find someone whom you trust, who is strong in the Lord, for advice, they might even agree and help you confront them. As Matthew 18:15-16 directs “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.” Always seek the Lord first, of course, and be strong and courageous, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
Hey thanks Kayla, That is helpful. I have a tendency to think I have to go at things on my own. It’s helpful to remember community.
For many years of my life I had an attitude of tolerance in regards to things that would offend me. In this regard it was fairly easy, or so I thought, for me to let offense happen (whether to me or as a witness to it) and move on. I covered it way more than I wish to admit, mainly due to lack of confidence and not wanting to create waves inter-personally. I realized that in certain situations where I chose to cover an offense, I would end up feeling as though I was a pushover and after the fact rehearse alternate ways in which I should have handled myself, or things I should have said. Even for small infractions/offenses, whether my own or others I was witness to, I would carry guilt for my lack of confrontation.
Age and experience combined with Spiritual growth has taught me that while there are certainly times for covering and moving on – I ultimately feel better about myself when I speak my truth and act with integrity. PRAYER – the operative word for me, when facing personal offence, dealing with a hardship or counseling others is PRAYER. I have realized, through error, that when I make decisions on my own I am only able to use the PAST as a basis for my PRESENT reaction. When I turn to Holy Spirit and lean into Him for guidance He is able to direct me based on what HAS happened, what IS happening and what WILL happen. I am not perfect and make mistakes…however whenever I react swiftly I almost always regret it. I never regret consulting my Wonderful Counselor and/or acting in Spirit. Whether His direction is to cover or to confront, I have the confidence of knowing that I am acting in His will when I involve the HS in my decision making and counsel.
Hi,Jessica I have that problem of open mouth insert foot, James 1:19,20 So my brethren let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God. I always have to remember to be led by the spirit and not put my opinion onto someone. It is always best to pray first. Thank you for your honesty it is helpful to know I am not alone but am growing like you in this area gaining confidence to act according to Gods Will. Thanks for sharing
I am thankful this question was discussed. I liked the the reference to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. In my fruit study last week, I asked myself if my love was kind, patient, selfless, rejoiced in the truth, bore all things, believed all things, hoped all things and endured all things or was my love impatient, unkind, envious, boastful, arrogant, rude, selfish, irritable, resentful or rejoiced in wrong doing? Ouch. The convictions from the Holy Spirit hurt. My fruit was bruised and rotten in some areas.
I know a heart reaction for myself is usually an emotionally led reaction and not a Spirit led one. I have been growing in seeking Him for discernment, wisdom and guidance in this area. I do not want to let a critical, accusatory or judgmental spirit creep in. The spirit of offense can take root so easily.
I used to be very confrontational. If there was a problem, I addressed it. As I have grown in my walk, I now pray for wisdom and guidance, hopefully before I open my mouth. There have been times I was wrongly being screamed at and I kept hearing “be still.” I said nothing in my defense. There have been times I have had to call people back to address things. There are times I have had to muster up all the courage I could to speak a hard truth in love. I have learned when people ask me for the truth, I tell them it’s going to hurt and ask if are they sure they want it. I know His timing is essential whether we cover or confront. Differences will always be there. Discernment is key.
As we are reminded in Galatians 6:1 “Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself.” We are called to confront each other. It is necessary for our growth. Usually the “small” things are patterns and should we cover it once, it will come up again. An example of this would be what the world refers to as a “white lie.”
I recently talked to a friend and she was discussing her relationship with a man with me. I listened and asked her gently, “what did God show you about him?” Her answer was she had left God completely out of it. She started seeing how this man was a distraction from Satan and not the man God had for her. Shortly after she ended the relationship.
I personally would always rather be confronted of a wrong and have it out in the open. I don’t always see the error of my ways. I appreciate and value that in the few people I have in my life I can count on to be real with me. I also share the struggles I am facing to have accountability and to make better decisions. I have found keeping them to myself never ends well. It gives the enemy a foothold.
I agree – when we are confronted by those we love and respect as to our personal shortcomings, it is very difficult to receive in the moment. It often takes some time for emotions to subside and the weight of strong words to settle in. Ultimately I highly respect someone willing to engage in confrontation in the interest of preserving a relationship. I find these observations from others to be priceless “gems” and always take them to heart. I have learned the MOST about myself from some difficult confrontations with loved ones. More then engaging in a difficult confrontation and hearing painful “truths” It would hurt me so much more to know (after the fact) that something I was doing was inadvertently causing someone else pain or unbeknownst to me ruining a relationship.
Bittersweet Jessica. Growing hurts. 🙁 Ugh…..I feel your pain. I treasure those
priceless gems too.
Hi Christina, I really like your end point, it is better to have our shortcomings out in the open and dealt with. I love that you see the value in that and when you approach a brother or sister about their sin or shortcoming it is because you want them to enjoy freedom too. It reminds me of I John 1:7 “But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin.” I love that when we walk in the light there is abundant blessing. Most importantly we are cleansed from our sins but also importantly we have real fellowship with one another. Relationships are healed and restored. I am realizing more and more how important our relationships with others is to the Lord. Thank you for sharing.
When an individual comes to me with concerns about the problems affecting their life first, I ask them to discuss the details of the issue. Where does it originate from? Is it a sin that they can take ownership of and repent from? I can easily guide them thru scripture. But, when I see the sin happening and it is damaging them or the others around them, I am usually not one to cover it. I simply cannot cover it and continue to help them. Most of the time these are friends and family. In one such instance, a new acquaintance of the family has been seeking the Lord. He is a person I do not personally agree with in terms of his lifestyle. He was committing a sin that directly affected my daughter and he was leading her into sin. While I am trying my hardest to guide him out of sin. It came to the point where I had to tell him not to come around our home any longer. It was affecting our entire family. While I believe he desires to be saved I do not see any fruit. Just destruction. In my heart, I was hearing the verse do not cast your pearl before swine and that became evident. Matthew 18:5 says, “Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me. 6 “But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea. 7 “Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come, but woe to that man by whom the offense comes! I believe in my heart the Lord was pleased with my decision.
I like the way you gather the details and try to find the origin. It is helpful to gain that wisdom up front as we guide them through. Them taking ownership is necessary for their healing. I am thankful you had the courage to confront the new family acquaintance. I am sorry he was influencing your daughter to sin, but I am thankful you recognized and confronted him. Keeping you and your daughter in prayer. May He use this as a lesson to train her up in the way she should go.
WOW Shauna – this is such a powerful example of how Holy Spirit guides us when we need Him most. I am grateful for your sharing of this verse in Matthew as I was not previously familiar with it. I have been led recently to re-read Matthew and am doing so with open eyes & ears, and your post encouraged me further. It is such a blessing to be able to gain new perspective thru the Word. I am sorry to hear of the poor influence that was being held over your daughter, but as a Mother I am encouraged by your effort, honesty and haste of action that you took once you received Holy direction and guidance.
Thank you Jessica, i needed to hear this. It was a decision I had prayed over a few months. I waited patiently and lovingly…then it hit me straight in the face. I knew what I had to do. I was grieving over how much I trust I put in the Lord to guide him. I just know that I planted the seed..and God will do His will for this person. It’s my job as a mother to direct my children in the way of the Lord…she respects what I did. She sees the world more clearly and Satan is ruler of this world. It’s been tough but God is most high and protecting my children. Amen!
I definitely have become more open to confrontation – though for personal motives. I appreciated this podcast a lot, it is an area I need teaching and rebuking in. The point of not covering and confronting can make matters worse, has definitely happened. A practical joke was played, and I was personally offended, so in selfishness of being inconvenienced, I confronted, even though my Husband said to let it go. I wished I had taken on my husband’s mentality and covered the offense.
Considering the points Jeff made for clear reasons to confront, I think I need to cover way more than I think. There have been many “offenses” but none of them have damaged a relationship or caused anyone harm. My pride clouds my spiritual view and it becomes all about me; I am the only one who sins in my cases because I want control and justification for my offense. God is the one who should handle my justification, He sees all and knows all, and He
is Just. Always seek to cover in love because God demands mercy, not sacrifice, came to mind. That is my biggest take away and I want to implement that into my life and heart.
I appreciate your last statement Kayla. It is all to easy to get in the flesh and become judgmental with some situations. I am so glad the God was merciful to me, and I want to be that way with others. Take time to allow the Holy Spirit to reveal to you what you need to know in order to truly help.
Thanks for sharing your personal experience with the practical joke. It’s so hard not to react when pranked. My pride clouds my spiritual view as well, making it all about me too. I loved, “Always seek to cover in love because God demands mercy, not sacrifice, came to mind.” Really puts a different perspective on what covering should look like, Jesus. Jesus wasn’t knit-picking people. I don’t like that I can, especially myself. I need to implement this change too in my life and heart.
Kayla; there is a time certainly for confrontation especially when the sin is so blatantly in our face. I agree whole heartily with your statement concerning the need to cover more, we need to extend grace to folks as Jesus extends grace to us. I think it’s easier to confront because we blast them with both barrels and its done, over with. However, when it comes to covering, it is more time consuming on our part and requires more energy. Whether we decide to cover or confront, what matters the most is eternity.
Oh Kayla, I can relate! Pride is a horrible thing and oh so sneaky the way it appears in us. I have learned to question my motives a lot. When I am offended, I have to confront myself first before I react. I ask myself, “why are you mad or hurt?” More often than not I realize, through self analysis or self confrontation, that it is because it hurt my ego. God deals with me at that moment and guides me usually to cover another with love, and many times not to cover but to ask for forgiveness if I had any impulsive reaction. Thank you for sharing your experience.
I have been involved in at least two counseling situations where the parties both were very resistant to taking advice. They both seemed to think that they had all the answers to their problems. They were violating all four of Pastor Jeff’s list of when to confront, but they just would not see it and blamed others for what was going wrong in their lives. I had a friend relationship with both of these guys, and I probably stayed in the cover stage too long as to not offend them and lose their friendship. It can be difficult to know when to move into that confrontation stage when you are dealing with friends. Both had difficult backgrounds that lent to their problems. At least the door is open whereby I can still have contact and influence.
Harry; It is hard especially when we have skin in the game, being friends with a person put you in a tedious position for sure. Its hard when folks do not take ownership for their wrong doings. In these types of situations all we can do is offer them the word of God and then watch how their respond to it. I am glad you still are to have contact and influence with them.
Hi Harry, It is difficult when they come to you, but they have their own answers. Humans can be stubborn, I speak from my own experience with myself. I think that it is good that they at least sought some counsel, we will pray that the Holy Spirit will work in their hearts to hear from God. And that God will comfort you. Remember it is God who has made you adequate 2 Corinthians 3:5,6. “Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God, who also made us adequate as servants of a new covenant, not of the letter, but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.”
Thanks for sharing.
Your are correct in the fact that it is hard when friends are not getting along and you are having to be the mediator. This is not an easy or comfortable place to be in. It takes a lot of Godly discernment on when you need to back out and let someone who is neutral to come in and help restore relationship. Love how you said that you are keeping the a door open for them. Thanks for sharing. Blessings!
Hi Harry… I can totally relate to your post here. I think that you are wise in leaving the door open “At least the door is open whereby I can still have contact and influence.” I was recently in a discipling situation which sounds similar to yours and unfortunately it came to an abrupt halt. I’m still praying for this individual and his five year old son whom he is raising by himself, but he is no longer speaking to me. There is no doubt that biblical/spiritual change begins at conversion, if there is no conversion (acceptance of and belief in Jesus Christ) than more than likely there will be no Biblical/spiritual growth. This student here does not have much to offer someone outside of the word of God. However, just because someone doesn’t come into a relationship with Jesus Christ today, doesn’t mean that they won’t tomorrow. Thank you for posting, and for your insight.
God has been and is very patient with me; I have stretched His grace beyond measure; despite all my shortcomings, He still loves me. Only God knows the intent of the heart of man. If you don’t know the intent or motive behind the person’s action, one cannot call it a sin or not. It is like going to court; you cannot testify on hearsay evidence. Hearsay evidence is not admissible in a court of law. One can only testify on direct evidence what you the individual saw and heard.
Being from New York and retired from Law Enforcement, I am automatically stereotyped as a typical New Yawker. Once folks get beyond their preconceived notions, they realize New Yawkers can be excellent human beings. Thus, being said in counseling, we cannot take anything for granted. Sometimes as Pastor Jeff said, it just could be a personality difference, nothing more. We need to have wisdom in this area. I believe God allows folks to enter into our lives to act like sandpaper. Sometimes we are the wood. Other times we are the sandpaper. God allows people into our lives to smooth out our rough edges. God’s overall plan for all of us is to reflect His Son Jesus Christ to others. Sometimes we are put into the refiner’s fire to remove the impurities in our lives. His word states, He is the potter, and we are the clay. I believe this is one of the most critical counseling areas to discern whether it is a sin, or a difference of opinion, or a personality clash. We need to extend grace to folks, as the Lord extends grace in our lives.
Each encounter with a person is entirely different from the previous encounter, and the reason is humans are involved. The situation, the facts, the problems might be close or similar to any prior counseling session. However, the mitigating factor is speaking to another human entirely different from the last one we spoke with.
In Psalm 103:11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. And, Isaiah 43:25, I, I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins.
Pastor Jeff bought out an excellent point we need to live in grace and forget the person tirade towards us. We don’t know what they are walking through at the moment or what kind of tedious journey they are on? However we are not to be a doormat and taken advantage of.
Pastor Jeff lists a total of 6 articulable facts to look for when covering or confronting. The two factors for covering, 1) Don’t discern motive, and 2) What contributing factors, if any, could be contributing to their behavior at this moment. The factors when to Confront a person over sin, 1) Are their actions sinful, straight up sin, 2) Is this a pattern of sin in their lives, 3) Is their behavior damaging a relationship, and 4) Are they going to harm themselves or others. Point 4 was the hardest I had to deal with as a Chaplain with the Border Patrol when I had to look my fellow agent in the eye and ask them if they were going to commit suicide. You will never get over the first time asking that question.
I find I am ready to extend grace to the person who goes off, to cover for a while. However, I have no problem confronting a person. By extending a period of grace, it allows me time to pray for that person and the circumstances. It gives me time to seek the Lord for wisdom, discernment and whether I should continue to cover, to extend grace or is now the time to confront that person.
Wow, Kevin, there is just something about being confronted by a retired NY cop that gives me the shivers. Just kidding. I’m sure that you will be a great counselor as you apply the grace and wisdom of God to your former training. Most police that i have met have an attitude of helping others, even when they are not appreciated.
I love the point you brought up, having that grace extended to have time to pray. I definitely needed to read that. I can be too quick to confront someone over something that should have been covered and forgotten.
Bringing up Isaiah 43:25 reminds me of God’s perspective, who He is and how He thinks and deals with things. Though He calls out justice, He brings about so much more healing, grace, and restoration (through Isaiah 44:1-5). My heart is deceitful, but God’s heart is never deceived, and He forgives. It teaches me to also forgive.
Thank you for sharing.
Wow Kevin, your points always have a wealth of wisdom in them.
I appreciate your loving boldness to ask your friend and fellow agent that tough question. You knew that it was important to put aside how uncomfortable that may make you feel for the sake of his safety. I don’t want to diminish the impact of that moment so please forgive me if this is making the reality of his situation too conceptual, but I think that could be a good image to keep in mind when talking to a friend about their sin. When they commit to it instead of the commandments of God they are giving up on Life, as God is life. I think if we saw it in those terms we might be more willing to step out for their sake. I hope he is doing well now. Praying for him and folks like him doing and seeing the hard stuff.
Some other points you made that I am taking to heart are your statements that everybody is different and that sometimes people act as sandpaper in our lives. That’s a good point that we can’t quickly judge a person and respond with this pre-formulated answer. We need to be careful to really consider them as an individual and image bearer of God.
Your point about sandpaper and smooth stones reminded me of I Peter 2:5 “You yourselves like living stones are being built up as a spiritual house, to be a holy priesthood, to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.” It is kind of a tangent from what you were saying. We are all stones that need to be ground down, in a way. The purpose is so that we can be a holy temple for our God but also so that we can dwell together in unity. We need each other, rocks and sandpaper alike. We need each other to help us grow in holiness but also to be the solid house that God called us to be, united.
Anyways. Thank you for all you share.