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What You'll Discover in this Episode:
146: Mortify Selfishness
In this episode, Pastor Jeff Christianson shares his thoughts about excerpts from the book: Selfishness from Loving Yourself to Loving Your Neighbor by Dr. Lou Priolo.
What is selfishness and why is it important for us to demolish it? Why do we need to understand the gravity of its effects on us as Christians, as neighbors, as biblical counselors? What can we do to reverse this?
There are few people more full of love than someone who is completely selfish. The problem is, all of this love is directed inward, and none of it reaches out! According to Lou Priolo’s assertion, selfishness is "the mother of all sins." When you love yourself more than others and more than God, nothing that will help you get ahead is off-limits: lying, cheating, stealing, manipulating...
We hope that by the end of this episode, you take these three things into consideration and practice them:
- Make it a goal to be a giver rather than a taker.
- Follow the counsel of Christ to the church at Ephesus.
- Identify people where your selfishness has been obnoxious and turn it around with genuine love.
Make it a goal to be a giver rather than a taker. Acts 30:25
What do you have that you can give, that you’ve been selfishly keeping to yourself? Counsel yourself and walk in these things before you can have the conviction to share with others. Take 5 minutes of your day and prayerfully consider how you can give to those whom God has put in your path. The Holy Spirit will show you the way.
Follow the counsel of Christ to the church at Ephesus. Revelation 2:1-5
Remember. Repent. Repeat. Christ counseled how to recover the lost love or develop a love you never had.
- “Remember the way things were when you were in love.” Apply this to the people you love - your friends, your family, and anybody else that you love.
- Change your mind and direction.
- Stop being self-centered. 1 Corinthians 13.
- Do something by repeating what you did when you were first in love.
- Prayerfully consider how to apply Christ’s counsel to those you failed to love.
Identify people where your selfishness has been obnoxious and demonstrate genuine love.
In Luke 19:8, Zacchaeus stopped and said, “...if I have defrauded anyone of anything, I will give back four times as much.” If you have selfishly taken, that might be the person you need to go and do this. 1 Corinthians 13 is our guide to serve and love others.
Who has been hurt by your selfishness and actions and attitudes?
Here are a few things that you can do to start mortifying selfishness:
- List your personal resources.
- List the names of people you need to love.
- List the needs of these people.
- Then, list down how you can use the resources God has given you to meet the needs of those on your target list.
“Selfishness is the hardest thing in the world to overcome.” Richard Baxter
Selfishness is strong in many sincere followers of Christ that the greatest dishonor to the church of Christ is evident. It has tempted many to infidelity and doubt. Baxter is saying that selfishness is a universally stubborn sin. It is totally impossible to overcome apart from the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit.
As we cooperate with the Holy Spirit of God and renounce this “mother of all sins”, there’s more to personal spiritual growth and reputation. People are evaluating, not just yourself but you as a representative of Christ.
Self-esteem has crept into Christian counseling. This is why we want to get our people walking and renouncing their independent self-life.
Listen to the full episode and realize not only how to demolish selfishness and learn how to replace it with a new, biblical foundation of selfless, godly loveturning your love inside out.
What struck me hardest in this podcast was the cult of self-esteem. The integration of humanistic psychology into biblical counseling is akin to a trojan horse, or death by a thousand cuts. Self exaltation is contrary and antithetical to the message of the Cross. Christ bids us to come and die at Calvary, that we may rise to newness of life with Him Lk. 9:23; Gal. 2:20; Rom. 6:3-5. The smuggling in of self esteem into our biblical counseling, even if done slowly and incrementally (not a full head on assault), is sure to eat away at the power and message of the Cross…. akin to cancer spreading through the body, eventually depriving it of its life and vitality.
This podcast made a difference in both my personal and counseling life. After listening to the podcast I recognized that while I am at the church I give of my time and my attention. However, when I am home I fail to give my wife the same time or attention. I am making it a point to pray and ask the Holy Spirit to help me to be less selfish at home. My wife recently asked me to go to the store with her. Normally after much grumbling I would say yes. Instead I immediately said yes and told her I would love to spend time with her. What was the most interesting for me is that I actually meant it deep in my heart. The Holy Spirit convicted me and helped me to realize what is important. I know this will make me a better counselor.
This is a “natural” struggle for me. When you grow up looking out for yourself or with that mindset, it is easy to be selfish and look out for your own good even at the expense of others. Selfishness can morph into so many different forms, but it begins in the heart. I appreciate the goals stated here in this podcast.
I couldn’t agree more Rick, selfishness comes naturally and it is a daily struggle for me as well. I will pray for you if you will pray for me.
I can identify with you on this point. Growing up under difficult circumstances forces you to lookout/advocate for yourself. Extricating myself from a selfish, self centered approach to life has been a lifelong journey for me since I accepted Christ in my early 20’s.
Thanks for the encouraging words of wisdom. It’s one thing to be obnoxious but being obnoxious because of your selfishness is something else. I’ve been quick to point this out when someone is being obnoxiously selfish to me. However, when the shoe is on my foot I wasn’t so quick to point it out. I’ve made it a point not to be selfish like this years ago. But there’s always room foot improvement
I meant to say….when the Bible plainly teaches. Sorry for the error. I wasn’t sure how to correct it after the fact.
This Podcast was a good reminder that it is “not about us”, but about others. We need to teach that as we counsel others. Our world, including schools, social media, and sadly as Jeff said, the church, are teaching that it is about us. When the Bible ain’t teaches that we are to put others first. I often tell people that God is Love, and that He loves us. This is important to know. Then also add that we are to love others that same way. There is scripture, after scripture that tells is this. Thank you Jeff for this wonderful reminder and for the resources.
This podcast was refreshing to hear. More often than not we take for granted the people in front of us. We lose sight of actually contributing to the relationship we have with them and building them up as well. This a reminder to me that we have to continually be attentive to the relationships with God has placed in our lives. When we do this, we tend to lean upon our own resources and falter. The Lord has provided all the resources and is sufficient in everything we need. Being more conscious of the time God has given me, especially with my children and husband. The Lord of all resources will help us love them and to help meet their needs. It will not come from us but from Him.
What a world we would live in if we were all givers and not so quick to take. That is just the greedy world we live in. How great this podcast was for me personally to hear this, I feel as if sometimes I do not serve my own family out of selfishness, I work, homeschool, do ministry and take this course and when I do have some down time I tend to want to “veg out” how sad is that? This spoke to me on my own personal account of how I need to prioritize better. Follow the counsel of Christ and be more intentional with my littles while they are little. Anyway thank you Professor Jeff for this good word.
Serena, I could not agree more and am convicted of the same thing. It is so easy to get wrapped in our own selfish nature and serve self than others. We have such short time with our children while they are young. I really enjoyed this podcast as well!
I truly believe that a majority of problems (at least in my own life) come down to selfishness. I also see that in society as a whole. Just by looking at the divorce rate, it is evident how chronically selfishness is effecting lives. And one major solution is, just as pastor Jeff stated in this episode; to be a giver rather than a taker. What would the world look like if everyone was doing there utmost to out-bless and out-serve each other. That I believe is the kind of atmosphere that we are called to manifest and maintain in the church. And, hopefully, it would spill out into every area of our lives, and to every person we interact with.
I completely agree with you. We as believers are to serve others, Jesus was and is about Others!
This podcast spoke to me about how I need to be more intentional With how I spend time with others. Being completely transparent here and say that we do live in a world where being selfish and thinking of self happens! But being selfless and loving for God and being of HIS service is such much more meaningful, for others and us too.
Yes. Tim. You are right on. I know even in our own marriage, we have had to work on selflessness vs selfishness. Thank you.
Agreed! As Christ followers e should be givers rather than takers. For Christ came to serve, not to be served.
I think Tim what you are describing will be heaven and what a wonderful place it will be. In the mean time we at the church need to keep on giving in all areas of our life. Well said Tim.
Self will be my forever enemy because it is not easily silenced or defeated. Everyday I have to check my motives, examine my heart and keep before me the message of denying self.
Finding the people who have been unkind and rude to show love by 1st Corinthians standard is a test. Truly it is the power and the presence of the Holy Spirit that will enable us to do what God requires. It is only when I stop trusting my strength and ability that God comes along side me to will and do in me some of the seemingly difficult tasks like loving people. I want to bring glory to God in all I do and my first place to start is putting self to death. This is my lifetime journey.
Pastor Jeff looking forward to another such broadcast and please send me the worksheet you mentioned.
Saying “no to self” is a lifetime of sanctification!
May I have the Chart?
When I am afraid of getting what I want or what I need, I become selfish. When I refocus on prayer and asking the Holy Spirit for help, I am happy to give that thing I thought I needed to someone else.
This podcast has definitely found a soft spot in me and convicted me. It’s easy to give to those who treat us well and love us, but not so with those who hurt us or dislike us. Christ is a perfect example of giving to those who “are not worthy” of receiving. Christ died for all regardless of whether we deserved it or not–none of us are worthy. I need to show this same love to those who offend me, persecute me. I needed to be reminded of the fact that people are watching and evaluating my Christian walk to see how I am different, to see why they need Christ. I need to ask each and every day for the help of the Holy Spirit to help me show love to all, and to show me how to give them that love. It needs to be a sincere working of the Spirit through me towards others.
Pastor Jeff–I would like a copy of the cheat sheet you spoke about in this podcast. Thank you.
Yes, I was convicted as well. I need to ask everyday as well for His Holy Spirit over me, upon me and within. Praying for you sister in Christ. Also pray for me. 🙂
I completely agree with your comment. Our selfishness nature we deem who is “unworthy”, when rather we are just as equal. Dying to self and allowing the Holy Spirit minister in the relationships that are beyond us. I too need to ask daily for the Holy Spirit to intercede and show me how to love them.
I completely agree. I like to think that I am doing these things daily. But an I truly doing these things the best I can, giving more than receiving, especially to people that we may not like so much for whatever reason.
When I am consumed with the things of self, I tend to be flying on a very polar level between pride and fear; jumping from one extreme to the other. It is so unstable and exhausting. But when I am consciously, intently submitting myself to God I can rest in peace, knowing that so much of this life is not about me. Dying to self is such a day to day, thought to thought state of mind, I need constant submission to the will of God to transform me, He is so full of grace and I am so content when I can just be thankful regardless of circumstance.
I love your comment that dying to self is such a day to day thing. It is easy to get caught up in the thought process that I have it all together at times and I let my self centeredness get in the way of being a light to others. It will always be a constant transformation, and will not be complete until we are taken to our heavenly home.
Thank you Pastor Jeff for the reminder that the Holy Spirit is the “cure” to overcoming self.
I need to be constantly reminded that The Holy Spirit sanctifies and helps me put to death this self obsessed flesh – it comes through HIM.
When will I finally realize that it is the Spirit that gives life the flesh does not [Jn 6:63]. And that I cannot use flesh to get rid of flesh [Rm 8:13].
I agree worldly counsel just points us straight back to the self and exalts self. That never set anybody free! That’s real bondage.