97: Pre-marital Counseling

What You'll Discover in this Episode:

Pre-marital Counseling

An interview with Michael Baker

Michael Baker from Renfrew Church South Carolina has been serving as a pastor for 2 1/2 years. Prior to that, he was a youth associate pastor at the same church for 12 years.

What is pre-marital counseling?

In pre-marital counseling, the first thing we want to know is if they're qualified to proceed. We challenge them to understand by sharing testimonies. Here we also talk about what being equally yolked looks like. In pre-marital counseling, we want know that we're doing with two believers sold out for Christ and doing things His way. We don't proceed with marriage cog, we switch to evangelism!

At this point, we have not started counseling yet. We're just getting to know one another.

It's not enough that you are a member of Church. This does not mean you already have a relationship with Christ. Has your heart been transformed and is your heart desire to follow Christ? During this time, we check and see if the couple understands the difference. It becomes a great evangelistic moment as they are given the opportunity to relearn and show the love of Christ.

2 Key Foundational Principles
1. Are they unequally yolked?
2. Are they born again?

Pre-marital counseling is relational. Getting to know the couple is an important first step.

Session One: The Covenant

After getting to know the couple, we get to know the reasons what brought everyone to this session. This is all about the covenant. We speak more about what the covenant is. We look at how God sees marriage and His involvement. In Malachi 2, He gives us the warning of how to deal with our spouse. In
Genesis 15, we see the seriousness of the covenant.

By letting them know more about the covenant, they can qualify themselves if they're ready for the commitment. We reiterate that God is the head and we treat one another as brothers and sisters in Christ, children of God, precious in His sight.

Session Two/Three: Biblical Love and Communication

Marriage is self-giving. We're entering in a relationship where we're seeking to serve Christ by serving our spouse and take joy in that. We begin to set up for "communication" by learning to understand our spouse. We talk about how God has created that man or woman sitting in front of them. Self-giving love seeks to speak love in a way that is about them instead of "what I can get".

This session talks about our words, our body language, how we serve and all about communication. The couple may spend time talking about issues that are already seen in that area.

Conclusion:

There's usually more than six sessions for pre-marital counseling. When we get past the roles of husband wife, what managing a home, and what submission looks like, we begin to see if they are brought together and the timing is right. At this point, we see if they're ready to give the love that God has commanded and that they are in love with the Lord first and foremost.

An additional gauge for readinesses can be done through electronic journalling. By using 2 Timothy 3:16-17 method of journaling, they journal scriptures studied. This allows a biblical counselor to see the interaction when the couple is away from the counseling room.

What are the top marriage counseling matters?

Neglect within the relationship
Husband refusing to lead
Emotional affairs
Communication failure
Children leaving

4 Laws of Communication from Ephesians 4

1. Be honest. Speak the truth in love.
2. Be angry and yet do not sin. Keep current.
3. Attack the problem and not the person.
4. Act and don't react.

The Lord says be kind to one another, forgiving each other. If we are acting in these manners, when problems occur and we can communicate in the current and in love, then healing will then take place.