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What You'll Discover in this Episode:


160: Conflicts of Differentness


If you were honest, there are some people in this world who get under your skin. But if you reflect upon these conflicts, you can’t locate a particular sin or a conviction issue causing your frustrations. After enough time, you realize that the person is just… different. How should Christians handle conflicts over differentness? 


In this week’s episode of the Biblical Counseling Podcast, Pastor Jeff Christianson and Jennie Christianson continue their discussion on managing conflict from matters of differentness. We recognize that God made every individual as his or her own person. People are different. This reality can contribute to disagreements of style and personality. When we approach conflicts of differentness, hopefully each person involved has a willing heart to hear what the Scriptures have to say about these conflicts. We recognize that God has given us this command in Romans 12:18: “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.”


Listen to this podcast to hear Pastor Jeff and Jennie address:


  • Different kinds of conflict and their remedies
  • Seven steps for conflicts over differentness
  • Allowing the of Christ to rule your heart

Tags

biblical counseling, calvary chapel, conflict, counseling, iabc, jeff christianson


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  • This is very practical and useful set of verse to help with conflict resolution. And as I think about these verses it always bout being conformed to Christ. And it’s always the flesh that gets in the way. Thanks again!

  • I really appreciate the laying out of these seven steps and that there is scripture given. This is so helpful. When I look at a conflict I had with another woman in our church I see how our pastor walked us through these steps and that it allowed a relationship to grow between us.

  • It has taken me several years to figure out that when the Bible says something that relates to relationships, it is also talking about marriages. This is probably one of the biggest areas that is affected by differences. We need to be ever cognizant of how we speak to each other. Never assuming that we are right. These seven steps are a good reminder of what we should do when differences arise. Number three in particular. Focus on what the other person’s needs are, not our own. Number seven, in my opinion, is the most important. We need to let Christ bring peace to the entire situation.

  • I really appreciate the way Jeff and Jennie take the very pragmatics, nuts and bolts of living and bring scripture to bear on everyday differences and the conflicts that arise from said disagreements. I liked 2 Corinthians 10:12; Roman’s 12:18 and philippians 2:4 as they help us to see how to think, act and respond towards each other. Knowing that any kind of comparing amongst ourselves only generates envy, strife and discontentment. Conversely, focusing on our INDIVIDUAL relationships with Jesus FIRST seems to resolve most differences as we adopt His selfless, sacrificial ways of being by the power of HIS Holy Spirit.

  • The seven steps, along with the scriptures given are so helpful in resolving conflict. Thank you for pointing out that in order to resolve conflicts of differentness, it is necessary to principles and resources from scripture. Reminds me of the word given in 2 Peter 1:3, “His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue”

    • Amen! The scripture is indeed sufficient to meet our differences and the conflicts that arise from those differences. It is His mind and His Spirit that we need to cultivate in our lives to be overcomers in this life.

  • Excellent guidelines Pastor Jeff and Jennie not only for counseling but I see how I can use them in my own life to even prevent conflict. Just remembering that God made us unique and that we have different tastes, interest, personality etc. will make us more patient and forbearing. I appreciated the supporting scriptures as well.

  • Thank you Pastor Jeff & Jennie for taking the time to lay out these much needed topics of conflict resolution. It’s so great to be able to use this as part of the “tool box” to be able to start comments within a counsel session or within a small group. I love how for each one, you gave a verse to be able to refer to and meditate on.

  • I absolutely loved this episode. The main thing that stuck out to me was the encouragement to use the 10 scale tool. There are so many fights that can be resolved by simply yielding. I know that I will be using this, not only in counseling but, in my own life and relationships moving forward. It takes immense humility to yield, but there is so much more peace that comes when it is done. And that is also what we are charged to do; “Strive for peace with everyone,…” Hebrews 12:14 (ESV), as pastor Jeff referenced.

    • The scale is genius ! I too love adding these practical tools for future use with counselee’s as well as my own personal walk with The Lord. Pastor Jeff & his wife really laid out the path for us to be able to constructively resolve issues in the counseling arena.

      • Serena, I’m so glad that you and others brought up the scale tool. I wrote it down, but had forgotten to put it into my comments. That is a really good idea. I might even use that on my hubby 🙂 Thank you.

    • Like you Timothy I appreciated the 10 scale and having the one with the lower number yield. Self has to come off the throne for this to be effective but it’s not impossible if the person is also yielding to the Holy Spirit. Additionally what stuck with me is from Colossians 3:15 allowing the peace of God to be the referee and allowing that peace to rule our hearts.

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